guanin: (Default)
( Jul. 7th, 2011 08:38 pm)
I got lost for two hours trying to get to my aunt's house. Seriously. Two hours. I've never driven in that part of the island before and driving here is so confusing, so I got off the expressway in the wrong place, then I wound up going in a huge circle to a town I'd already crossed through and the whole time I kept calling my aunt, trying not to freak out. I eventually got there. Turns out everyone gets lost trying to get there, even though the house is three minutes from the expressway. It's crazy.

I would also like to note that yesterday I posted my first fic since August 29, 2009. That's insane.

There's more I want to say, but I feel so tired from the long drive. And yet, I also feel wired. *shakes head at self*

ETA: Oh, and I started watching White Collas. Yeah, it took me this long. Stop shaking your heads at me.
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guanin: (milo grunny2)
( Mar. 11th, 2009 11:54 pm)
It has come to my attention that I could write the intro for this essay today, which is great (except for my writs hurting for no apparent reason), but I was looking forward to avoiding it for another day. Oh well. It'll be better in the long run. Now I hope I get some fic writing done. Which I did do yesterday (1,200 words) despite one of the most acute bouts of depression I have yet had. Seriously, I was in total breakdown mode yesterday. Weepy and hating my entire existence. I really think I'm going to head over to one of those free NHS shrinks next week. Or not. I might get lazy. Although I probably will, because even though I feel fine now, that's the post breakdown high. It'll wear off soon.

Speaking of, please ignore yesterday's post. That was me being cranky and lashing out everywhere (one for the depression checklist). Everything bad just tends to accumulate and I'll react strongly over something when I'm really angry about something else. Now I feel all weird and embarrassed, but I'm used to that, too.

On a happier note, Grunny continues to amuse (so much love that guy). This is one of today's Twitter posts:

BTW, on Monday's episode I hit Adrian back. Harder than he hit me. But they cut it out. Bastards. They also cut out Milo's shower scene.

Now how am I supposed to get any work done with that image in my brain tempting me so delightfully to write smut? This is like those making out jokes in the commentary.
guanin: (halloween pumpkins)
( Mar. 8th, 2009 10:56 pm)
This seems to have now become my new motto. Just one more essay, one more week and I'm FREE from the tyranny of essays forever! Except for... you know... those... what are they? Three three hour long exams I have in May. And, oh, a 12,000 word dissertation in September that terrifies me and makes me want to run away to California. I have never wanted to run away to California before. Too many earthquakes. And yet I now want to run away there. For some reason. Never mind that I'm regretting not having gone back to art school or that I'm trying to find a way to milk my makeup artist cousin's connections in the entertainment industry. The week before I have to hand in an essay I've barely worked on is no time to have an existential crisis. Or start watching Psych. And yet, I am doing both.

Never mind the icon. I just felt like using it, though I feel that it overstates my point. Assuming that I have a point. Okay, I'm going back to studying now.
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guanin: (basketball PR)
( Mar. 1st, 2009 01:01 pm)
I can't believe the amount of energy I have right now. I feel like bouncing. Hell, I am bouncing. Yesterday I was a congested, sleepy, whiny mess. I spent the whole day in bed with very brief periods of ambling about the room just to get my blood circulating. I watched 8 episodes of Arrested Development, 2 of 30 Rock, took a nap from 8 to 11, sat up, watched 2 episodes of Doctor Who, then officially "went to bed" at 1:30. Time I got up: 12:16. Wow. I want to go out and move. But I have to stay in and work. *head desk* No work of any kind got done yesterday (duh), fic, essay or otherwise. I didn't even read. My eyes kept glazing over as i browsed through my flist.

Okay. Back to the Revolution. Or perhaps that new Heroes friending meme.

ETA: Never mind. It went away. Now I'm sleepy again. God damn it, I have to finish this essay today.
Granted, it's only been two nights that I've gone to bed so late, but I really should try not to on days I have class. I've got to leave in 40 minutes and I fell as if I just got up. And it's 2:52!

School work didn't really get done yesterday. I took like two hours to get through 40 pages. Not good. and I could theoretically finish the research today, but something tells me that it's not going to happen. All I want to do is write.
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Which is great, because there's no nausea or floor wobbling below. I just came back from that Bolivian Carnival I mentioned earlier. Basically, it was a lot of music and a lot of dancing and I loooove dancing. I really have to do this more often. I went with a girl from my class, her husband, and a couple of friends of hers, all Bolivian except for her. She's Argentinean. She used to be a professional dancer, so obviously she loves dancing, too. FYI, do not ever go dancing with a sweater on ever. I need to remember to wear a short sleeve underneath next time, because the sweat is murder. And wear a belt. I forgot my belt today and my jeans were falling off. I felt like Cantinflas. Not good. On the other hand, I learned (well, kinda) how to dance Bolivian music, which I'd never danced before. It's a completely different rhythm from Salsa or Merengue, which is all I've known how to dance by this point. well, Reggeaton doesn't count.

I've got Marc Anthony on right now and keep dancing in my chair. I'm so wired. I'm actually singing. I never sing to songs unless I'm in this kin do mood cause I didn't get the singing gene. I feel like calling someone but it is 1 in the morning, so not possible.
I've done NOTHING in the whole day. Nothing. No problem with cramps this time. I downed two Aleve as soon as I felt them creeping up on me, but god, the moods. It's driving me nuts. I've spent the whole day watching Big Love and Deadwood and I might watch Queer as Folk later, though I feel well enough now to get some work done, but I majorly don't feel like it.

I started a novel today. Yippee. It's insane to be doing that now, but I miss novels, plus, it's in Spanish, and it's so rare for me to read anything in Spanish these days, ironically enough.

Writing's crap lately. I've written no more than 700 words in the past two days and I don't know what I'm doing with this thing. I'm just going to ramble about wildly until I find something that works.
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I finally washed my clothes. I'm so lazy when it comes to these things, especially when it costs 2 pounds.

It seems that I can no longer write the word "pants" when I mean "trousers". I say it fine, but pretty much replaced it with "trousers" in my general writing ages ago because I am way too much in love with British usage, except when I'm writing from the pov of a character who would say "pants". However, It's been so long that when I wrote it last night, my fingers clenched and I kept staring at the word like it was some weird bug and I. Don't. Know. Why. I actually deleted it and wrote "trousers". I'll replace it later. It was bothering me. *head desking so hard*

I'm constantly forgetting the names of the characters I'm writing. I know who they are, but their names evade me.

Dialogue is the new smut. Lately, I want to write smut, but when I'm sitting in front of the computer, the urge suddenly goes away and I just want to write dialogue. Not that you can't have both together, but I seem to be favoring the dialogue element. Ack!

My mind goes blank whenever someone asks me a direct question. Either that, or it'll freeze between all the possible answers and I can't choose one. It's very problematic when I get called on in class or if someone asks me what my favorite music is.

Writing is love. I woke up feeling like shit, as always this week, because I've got the depressive thing that isn't PMS, because it strikes whenever, although it is stronger if it occurs during the PMS period. After an hour of moping and feeling like the world was going to implode on me (just when I'm supposed to study, pa' colmo), I forced myself to write. Two minutes later, I was laughing. Now I feel fine. It will come back, though, but for now I'll just ride the wave and study. *snort* That sounds sad.
I'm so tired of being in this little room.

On the other hand, I did something intelligent today. Well, first I did something stupid by leaving by myself after the class because Tim (who I always eat lunch with) had a meeting with the professor instead of outright asking him if he wanted to have lunch when he was done because even though it has become kinda routine, it still is a bit improvised (as in I hang around until he asks me what I'm up to). So after walking around in circles outside the building waiting for him to come out, I came back to the dorm (which is five minutes away) and forced myself to take out the phone and call him instead of just moping for the rest of the day cause I'm lonely. So we met up at a shopping center on my street, bought some food, and ate on one of the benches outside. So now my limbs are frozen because I wasn't moving around and the radiator in here is crap. But I really shouldn't complain about that when people are freezing at minus whatever temperatures back home (Illinois, not PR, which is lovely and wonderful and perfect and I want to go back).

Anyway, guess what? I came out about the slash thing. Seriously. I didn't mean to, but it happened. I've mentioned the writing thing to Tim a couple of times and oddly enough, he never asked what I wrote. No questions. That's the first time ever. It'd actually being bugging me, even though I'm extremely wary about saying I'm a writer because then people want to know what I write and then it gets awkward. But then today in the break I said that I spent the last two days compulsively writing and then we just kept going and he started asking, very gradually at first. If I write short stories or novels. If I let people read them. It wasn't until we were having lunch that he asked the direct question and I just kinda hesitantly said it. Gradually. And as I expected he was kinda like, "Oh" but not in a bad way and now I feel kinda odd and giggly about it. I mean... I don't know. I do have a couple of gen pieces if he's interested in looking at that. Now I really wish I'd made some proper headway into the original stuff, but since I'm not a big fan of original short stories, all I have is unfinished novels.

I'm still pretty sure he's not interested in me. Else how would he have forgotten about lunch? Although he didn't cut his hair as short as last time, probably because I insisted that I didn't like it too short. I've got it so bad. I don't even want to call it a crush because all my earlier crushes have been purely shallow 'he's cute', 'we have stuff in common' stuff and even that has been surprisingly rare. I've never thought about them every single day. Now I know what the main character of my original novel feels like.
guanin: (Keira turquoise)
( Jan. 14th, 2009 07:54 pm)
It's been three days since I posted? Wow. That never happens anymore. Maybe it's because I'm not freaking out over anything right now. I should be. Everyone else is, but for some reason I find it intelligent to leave the dissertation proposal to the last minute. Speaking of, I need to e-mail my Aztec course professor. I already know the subject, I just need to refine the angle, though this is a preliminary thing, so whatever we hand in isn't set in stone as long as we don't decide to do something completely different.

I'm also most likely going to Mexico in April. Yay! I haven't been there in seven years, which is ridiculous. My professor (same as above) is organizing a trip to visit all the main Aztec sites that they've rediscovered, which I've never been to before. I'd also get to see some relatives I haven't seen in ten years.

Most of my free time lately has been taken up by watching House. I always do this when I discover a new series. I get hooked and can't stop watching until I'm caught up. Dam you House and Wilson for being so slashy. And Hugh Laurie for being so damn funny. I should have known he's a comedic actor. I was talking about this with Tim on Monday night and he said he doesn't watch House because he can't take him seriously after all the hilarious stuff he's done in Britain. I have to watch Black Adder.

Since I have a little extra time now, I'm forcing myself away from 24/7 House watching and working on some fic. I just finished writing something with a pairing I've never written before and never thought I'd write, though I've wanted to. I like to do that every once in a while. It refreshes the muse. Now I'm going to let it sit and work on some Sark/Adam for [livejournal.com profile] midnightdream__ and continue the Plaude epic (finally, I have dialogue. Gorgeous, two people in the same room dialogue. I've missed that).

But first I must eat, because my stomach has turned into a bottomless pit lately.
I wrote 1,000 words for my essay today. Well, if you count footnotes, which you do at my uni. This system is brilliant.

Wrote another thousand for the new epic, which is small at the moment, only 6,000 words, but it will grow. Oh, and that's 6,000 words without dialogue. Which is boring me. I'm thisclose from getting some shard action going, though.

I finally saw Tim (the crush) yesterday. We went out for pizza after class. Nothing special; we tend to eat lunch together on Fridays, mostly because I stubbornly stuck around the building and made it a routine. Since it's been three weeks since I last saw him, his hair's longer. He looks gorgeous. I'm such a sucker for longish hair. I hope he doesn't cut it really short again like he did in October.
I'm in London. The first flight was only delayed one hour after we were already in the plane, which means I was sitting there for five hours without water because US Airways is an asshole and sells everything, even the drinks and they never asked my line if we wanted anything. I got to Philly with 20 minutes left before the official boarding time for the next flight, but never mind since that was also delayed. I got a bottle of water from the only shop that was still open since it was ten pm and for some reason they don't even have vending machines for the people who take late flights. I got in a little past 11 am, waited like an hour for the suitcase, got out of the airport and into the tube at one, got home near 2, went out to buy food, refused to go to bed so as not to crew up my sleeping cycle, then got stuck watching House until midnight, then promptly got crushed by cramps, took some Aleve, cramps got worse, then gave up and turned on the computer in the dark to listen to two of the stories CE narrated until the cramps finally went away. I think I fell asleep past 3. Got woken up by the cleaning lady probably around ten, then loitered in bed until 2:15. Am still completely exhausted. Should take a nap, but I have research to do (essay is due in exactly 1 week minus 2 hours) and I brought no pen or pencil on the plane so I couldn't do any there. Need to write too. Keep forgetting to use subject in sentences. It really doesn't work in English. There is a downside to simple conjugation. So tired.

LJ better not fuck with the Plaude Rewatch this time. Though I really should not go to bed past 3, but it's me. I never listen to my own advice.

ETA: Aaaaahhh! I forgot to copy some music files I wanted off my old computer! Bugger.
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guanin: (Rose key)
( Jan. 3rd, 2009 12:53 am)
It's 12:45 and I have packed nothing. Not good. Instead I'm here. Huh.

Just got back from watching Valkyrie. Very good movie. Tragic ending as expected since Hitler wasn't assassinated in 1944, but not as shocking as The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas, which I saw on Tuesday. That was sad. I saw it coming, but it was sad. Suffice it to say that when the credits started to roll, no one got up. No one even spoke. We were all staring at the screen going, "Oh shit." Very good movie also, but you will need to watch something cheery afterwards.

Oh, the DVDs got here! All of them! Doctor Who shipped with 2 day shipping, Deadwood with regular, they both shipped on Monday and got here on the same day. I don't even care anymore as long as they're both here now before I leave. No way am I going to be bored at the airport in Philadelphia waiting for the second flight.
guanin: (ando sword)
( Jan. 2nd, 2009 02:20 am)
Usually New Year's here is 'eh', but at the party we went to there was a couple and their daughter from Chicago, which gave me a nice prompt into a conversation, which I always seem to desperately need. The daughter, who is around my age, majored in anthropology, the mom is a professional artist and makes paintings, sculptures, etc. She showed us some examples on her iPhone and it all looked so amazing. And guess what? The dad looked just like John McCain. A bit slimmer in the face, but seriously. He could be a lookalike. I got a definite liberal vibe from them, so I'm sure they're not McCain supporters, but they still get a kick out of it. And his first name, by the way: John. Seriously.

I finished the essay today. Finally. It's 200 words overboard. Of course.

I'm debating whether to buy Perfect Parents or not. Dad gave me $60 to spend in DVDs to make up for those ill fitting shirts I got for Christmas, but I did just spend $130 on Doctor Who and Deadwood (and potentially more if I ask Dad to forward Deadwood to me in London. But I've been wanting to get this one for a while because despite every review of the movie I've seen (all bad), I like it. A lot. I would also kinda like Let Him Have It, but I'm not sure I could bear seeing the ending again.
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Okay, not really (I wish. So much. Though that whole Third Testament thing would be troublesome). I got the The Second Coming DVD today! But I can't touch it until I finish this essays. Only 400 words left, though. I would, should, have finished days ago, but those damn House marathons kept distracting me.

I'm almost done with my fic for the Plaude Rewatch . I wanted to finish it today, but apparently my neighbor decided that he's a rock star or something, except that he's not playing rock, unfortunately enough, but something unhearable that is actually making me dizzy. You'd think that he'd at least bother to play something tropical. Considering that it's New Year's Eve and all and no one plays anything non-Caribbean for the holidays around here. Even the incidence of Reggeaton dimiinishes at parties. It just isn't Christmasy. They've been at this since 11:30. I was gone for three hours, but it's now 7:57. My ears are going to start bleeding any minute now. I'm playing the King Arthur soundtrack to try to drown them out, but it's not working right.

ETA: Oops, I forgot (why do I always do that?). Happy New Year!
So naturally I must get on LJ and vent. I originally had Deadwood and Doctor Who to ship with two day shipping, but had to change it because Deadwood wasn't in stock and for some stupid reason I decided not to get Deadwood until June by having it ship here because international costs too much. Now both of these shipped today, Doctor who with two day and Deadwood regular. Which is BULLSHIT! The whole fucking reason I changed it was because supposedly they couldn't ship it until next week. So now it's going to miss me by two days when I'd decided to change it to international. But I can't ask dad to send it because just sending a letter to London cost me $26. This is the fourth piece of bullshit Amazon has given me in one week. I've sent them three complaints already. Fuck.

I need to get out and physically do something. Not sit in a car and get run over by traffic. Now I want a nap and I just got up. Writing isn't helping because it's depressing as hell and I just noticed that I have 5,000 words of solid paragraphs. No dialogue. And I don't see a way to have dialogue. Maybe this isn't a problem for other people, but I've never been able to read over a 1,000 words of non-dialogue without skimming forward until someone starts talking, unless the prose is amazing, but even then I need those quotation marks. It's very odd. I feel all bogged down and impatient. I'm a dialogue junkie. I think that's why mine last so long.

My friend didn't call so no going out today. Why am I always the one who has to call people?
guanin: (plaude wall)
( Dec. 28th, 2008 07:10 pm)
I went to bed at 3 instead of 4 last night so I've been yawning the whole day. Damn, I'm tired. I would have gone to bed earlier, but I had to be stupid and start downloading the Complete Recordings of The Return of the King at 1:30 since the internet was finally working right, then I paused it and tried to resume now, but it ain't working. Crap. I emailed Amazon and I really hope they give me the downloads, cause I paid for them.

I was going to take a nap, but got stuck in the House marathon on USA. Previous to this weekend, I'd only watched two episodes of it since all the medical stuff really icks me. I've had a fear of doctors and medical anything my whole life, so I never watch medical dramas. But House is so funny. He's so delightfully grouchy and petty. And as I just find out right this second, can play the guitar. Cool! And House and Wilson are so cute! Breaking into someone's house = perfect date. *snort*

I may or may not go out with my friends tomorrow. we're supposed to go down to the fair either tomorrow or on Tuesday.

I was going to say something else but I forgot. I hate it when that happens.
My Dad and stepmother and cleaning up the lawn and I-m consciously avoiding starting on my essay. I was going to give myself the day off today, but I took a break last night by reading the entire novel Darkly Dreaming Dexter, which I couldn’t put down even to eat. The denouement seems to come much too quickly, but it's a short novel (a tad less than 300 pages), so obviously it couldn't span the humongous amount of material that season 1 did. The TV writers really fleshed out and added a lot of stuff, which I think ended up working better, so I do like the season better than the book, but I still couldn't stop reading. I love how Lindsay writes Dexter's thoughts, the little inside jokes and mocking asides.

My presents were all duds. Apparently I didn't make it clear to Dad the other day that I don't like getting clothes. Now I realize that the reason I gave was that all the clothes my aunt and grandma get me are too big because for some reason they get from the Petites section of the department store when they're sizes run at least two sizes bigger than the Juniors. I'm also very picky. So I ended up with three shirts that are way too big for me. *sigh* They used to give me money, instead, but they stopped for some reason. Why do women over fifty have this need to give you clothes? I'll get my own, thank you. I'm the only one who knows what I like. I should have just told Dad that I wanted a DVD, which I did now, so he’s giving me money instead. Really, I should have learned better after he gave me a pajama shirt last year (I don't wear pajamas), which oddly fit, but has spent it's whole existence with me shoved in the back of the closet. He never used to screw up my presents like this. He was practically the only one who gave me stuff I like. I don't know what happened.

I miss Christmas. It's completely different without mom. This and New Year's are the only days in winter when I wish I were in Illinois, where my family is. There it's fun. Here it's just us. Not so great. Then again, it's FREEZING over there and there's snow everywhere and my grandparents haven't left the house in a week because it's so fucking cold. And that's why I refuse to be over there in winter if I can possibly help it. Makes me wish they lived in the Southern Hemisphere so then Christmas would be in the summer.

And I just realized that I did yet another depressing post. Ack! The other night wasn't so bad, by the way. After a few awkward moments of not looking at each other in the face, my friend actually started the conversation as if nothing had happened. We didn't say anything about getting together before she left, though. And I still don't want to talk to the other one. We should be going to the movies this weekend, though. We'll see how that goes.
Everywhere around me there's people wearing jackets and sweaters and swearing that there's a cold breeze, and that's when I feel that it might be just a bit too warm. The hell? You know, I used to be one of these people. I grew up here. 70 used to be freezing cold. Now it's wonderful.

Meanwhile, my neighbors are having a party at one in the morning. With Reggaeton. Which I don't listening to. While I'm writing angst. And I have to study later. Of course. It'd be easier to deal with if I didn't know that various neighbors are going to keep it up throughout the holidays.

I also just wrote Alternate Reality fic, something which I've never written before and hardly ever read. It's also really depressing. Apparently all the happy stuff I've been writing lately has left me off balance and I needed to write something heartbreaking before continuing with the Plaude sequels. Weird.

ETA: I wrote 1,850 word today. Cool. On the other hand, no studying. Crap.
It's like I never left. I even ran into someone I know at the library. Although I only worked at the Latin American collection (where I went today), so it wasn't as nostalgic as it could have been (although I did remember why I don't like that uni when two librarians started talking to each other in the back room as if they weren't perfectly aware that their voices resounded throughout the reading room. How messed up is it that I was seriously considering to tell the librarians to shut up? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

I've been working on the first of two essays due on the twelfth. I plan to hopefully have it done in a week cause otherwise I'm screwed, but with Chirstmas in the middle, who knows? I still have two fat books and two articles to go through. It'll be fine. Oh God, that's my crushes line.

My cough is finally under control (yes, I'm sick again). I went to the doctor yesterday, which cost me $30 since I no longer have insurance here (I should have gone in London), plus $86 in meds (I really should have gone in London).

And of course, since I am now living in the UK and am a huge CE fan, he must be reading ghost stories over the radio when I'm NOT there. Why, CE, why? *cries*
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