guanin

guanin @ 2019-03-17T15:25:00

2019-03-17T20:49:56Z

Welp, I've been in the Sherlock fandom for almost five months now, and I still feel like I'm getting acclimated. I've never joined a fandom this late in the game before and I keep stumbling into old feuds. People keep talking about the TJLC thing coming back. I barely know what that is, but it sounds terrible. I've left fandoms for stuff like that.

I still don't know where I stand with Johnlock. Am I part of that subset of fandom or not? Every time I look up aroace Sherlock in the tags, I run into so many anti-Johnlock and anti-aroace posts. It took me a while to psych myself up to join this fandom in the first place because I'm so tired of aphobic shit in fandom, but I kept telling myself that Sherlock is a classic aroace-coded character. There are so many people who see him as aroace. I will have no problem finding a group of people to gush over aroace Sherlock with. Five months later, and I still don't have that group. I've found a lot of support, but I need people to share the squee with. Most of the people I've found who see Sherlock as aroace don't want to go near the fandom because of backlash. And yes, a lot of them hate Johnlock. I keep feeling more tired.

I write John as being romantically in love with Sherlock, so that's Johnlock. But Sherlock as aroace, so it's part not? Even though he's aesthetically and sensually attracted to John? I don't know. Shipping is so concerned with mashing up all the attractions together all the time, and that's not how I operate. I barely understand sexual attraction as a concept and I don't feel it. It's so much more common for me to experience aesthetic and sensual attraction without romantic attraction than with it. I'm not aro, but I haven't been romantically attracted to a lot of people. So where does that stand as far as shipping goes? Am I shipping Johnlock or am I not?

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Happenings of the Week

2019-03-06T03:05:49Z

I got into four panels at 221B Con! Yeeesss!! So exciting! This will be my time on a panel, so I'm really looking forward to it.

To get acquainted with Sherlock's interest (and personality) as part of my novel research, I now have books checked out from the library about bees, chemistry, and murder. I just returned one about venomous animals, although I think John would be equally interested in those. I was fascinated. And horrified. Very horrified. I am so glad I didn't know about any of these animals before I went to Australia, because dear God. I am also never going to certain parts of South America. There's this caterpillar. You don't want to know what it does.

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Happenings

2019-02-17T20:39:00Z

It snowed again. [insert highly sarcastic "yay" here] At least it's only technically freezing and not another polar vortex. But I'm so desperate for winter to end.

I joined a penpal group at the end of last year. So far it's going great. I hadn't realized how much I missed getting actual letters in the mail and not just bills. My letter writing skills are so rusty, but I'm getting the hang of it again. However, I made the mistake of mentioning that I'm a writer, because it's such a large part of my life that I can't keep quiet about it, apparently. The inevitable "So what do you write?" question keeps popping up. I'm giving them a super vague "mostly short stories" answer, as well as saying that I'm working on a Sherlock Holmes pastiche. That one is safe to say. While leaving out the fact that it's queer as fuck, that is. They don't need to know that part yet. We've only exchanged a couple of letters so far.

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Writing Meme

2019-02-17T20:23:03Z

Ask me up to three questions.

1. What made you start writing fanfic?
2. Which of your own fanfics have you reread the most?
3. Describe the differences between your first fanfic and your most recent fanfic.
4. Do you think your style has changed over time? How so?
5. You've posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you'd written it?
6. Name three stories you found easy to write.
7. Name three stories you found difficult to write.
8. What's your ratio of hits to kudos?
9. What do your fic bookmarks say about you?
10. What's a theme that keeps coming up in your writing?
11. What kind of relationships are you most interested in writing?
12. For E-rated fic, what are some things your characters keep doing?
13. Name three favorite characters to write.
14. You're applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio?
15. Question of your choice!

Ganked from oldtoadwoman (who borrowed it from scribblemoose) via elrhiarhodan

Here is the code – just cut and paste the whole thing if you want to play, too:

Ask me up to three questions.

1. What made you start writing fanfic?
2. Which of your own fanfics have you reread the most?
3. Describe the differences between your first fanfic and your most recent fanfic.
4. Do you think your style has changed over time? How so? 
5. You've posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you'd written it? 
6. Name three stories you found easy to write. 
7. Name three stories you found difficult to write. 
8. What's your ratio of hits to kudos? 
9. What do your fic bookmarks say about you? 
10. What's a theme that keeps coming up in your writing? 
11. What kind of relationships are you most interested in writing? 
12. For E-rated fic, what are some things your characters keep doing? 
13. Name three favorite characters to write. 
14. You're applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio? 
15. Question of your choice!

Ganked from <user name=Oldtoadwoman> (who borrowed it from <user name=scribblemoose>) via <user name=elrhiarhodan>

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Happenings

2019-02-12T17:00:37Z

I woke up to a frozen world and the news that there was an ice storm last night. Will winter ever end? I was going to go outside today, but never mind.

My writing has slowed down a bit as I've discovered that I need to plot, since this is way longer than I expected. But that's good. I need to practice plotting.

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Trope Meme

2019-02-10T22:26:00Z

I did the trope thing. The first six are accurate. Doing this, I realized that I'm not into that many tropes. I'd never even heard of a lot of these, like Mirrorverse of Office AU.

Rank Name
1 Fairy Tale/Mythology AU
2 'Groundhog Day'/Karmic Time Loop
3 Friends to ~~Lovers~~ Romantic Partners, in my case
4 Found Families
5 Supernatural Creature/Human Romance
6 Snowed-In Cabin/Isolated Together For Extended Period of Time
7 Pride and Prejudice AU
8 Royals/Political Marriage Turns Into Feelings
8 Adopting/Raising a Baby
10 Fake Dating/Fake Marriage Accidentally Turns Into Feelings
11 Hurt/Comfort
12 Enemies to Friends to Lovers
13 Coffee House AU/Food Service AU
13 'Everyone is Evil'/Mirrorverse AU
13 'They All Work In An Office' AU
13 They Break Up (but then They Get Back Together)
13 Unusually Specific Occupation AU, Like, The Author Clearly Has The Same Job
13 Seemingly Unrequited Pining
13 And They Were Roommates!
13 Accidentally Fell In Love With The Mission Target
13 Reincarnation/'25 Lives' AU
13 A/B/O
13 Loyalty Kink
13 Selfcest (possibly due to time travel)
13 Magical Connection (Telepathy, etc)
13 Hot Single Parent(s)
27 Hogwarts AU
28 High School/University AU
28 'Falling For A Coworker/Teammate Is A Bad Idea' Except This Is Fiction So It Works Out
28 Body Swapping
28 Daemons
28 Polyamory
28 Vampires/Werewolves AU
34 Soulmate Identifying Marks (Tattoo, Red Thread of Fate, etc)
34 Actually Unrequited Pining
34 Characters Swap Roles AU (I don't mean in the bedroom)
34 Amnesia Fic

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Writing

2019-02-06T02:44:50Z

I hit the 20,000 word mark in my selkie AU! Whoohoo!

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Twitter

2019-02-05T00:05:25Z

I decided to give Twitter another shot. If anyone is interested in following me there, I am lijavitoledo .

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It's cold

2019-01-29T19:00:19Z

According to a terrifying headline, tomorrow it will be colder where I live than in Siberia. Colder than the place that is infamous for being cold. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I have to go to the doctor today, but after that, I'm hibernating until Friday. I stocked up on food and tea yesterday. My acting class got canceled (obviously). I'm good. A little cabin fever (okay, a lot), but dear god, it's ugly outside.

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Thoughts

2019-01-28T17:45:46Z

I want to write another Sherlock meta, but I can’t decide on what. I’m trying to think of a subject that isn’t about how I relate to Sherlock, but since rewatching the show, I keep making these connections and thinking about how I would have realized certain things earlier if I had looked deeper into them when I first watched it. I really enjoyed writing the Mrs. Hudson meta. I’d like to do something else like that.

I’m also trying to stick to positive reactions to the show, but I’ve had this rant for the past hour in my head about ASIB, which I may need to write down just so it will stop distracting me. It’s really ironic that my favorite sequence in the whole series is in the episode that makes me most uncomfortable.

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Revised Writing Goals

2019-01-25T23:58:56Z

I am now 8,000 words into a selkie AU (John is the selkie). So my plans for writing ficlets for a bingo card are on hold for now. I have wanted to write a mythological creature AU for over a decade, and now it's finally happening! Credit goes to write_out for writing the post that jumpstarted the idea.

So, now I'm writing this AU, and then afterwards I'm writing case fic.

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Meta: Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock's Chosen Mummy

2019-01-18T19:26:24Z

An essay examining Sherlock's relationship to Mrs. Hudson.

Sherlock has a mother, but isn’t close to her. He doesn’t seem to call or visit her often. He agrees with Mrs. Hudson in TSOT when she says that his mother “has a lot to answer” for (although she’s referring to Sherlock’s expectation of never having to bother about his own tea). He does his best to ignore his parents when they visit London in TEH. He doesn’t seem to want to spend time with his mother in general. Yet not only does he live one floor above Mrs. Hudson in her building, but he welcomes her taking care of him and is affectionate with her. Mrs. Hudson, in turn, makes him tea and food, and cleans up after him while fussing over his messy habits, just like a mother would. She has no chldren, and we aren’t given any indication on whether she ever wanted them, but she certainly enjoys treating Sherlock as if he were her own.

( Read more... )

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Awakenings is complete!

2019-01-16T16:55:13Z

Awakenings (41048 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 12/12
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes, Harry Watson
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

John’s breath shook the collar of Sherlock’s shirt, breath which was pleasantly warm and bathed the skin of Sherlock’s neck and collarbone in a tantalizing way that Sherlock wasn’t sure if he wished to analyze at the moment, yet was doing anyway, because how couldn’t he? It incited a slight tremble in his skin at first, the slightest pricking sensation as his breath shuddered to a stop in his throat at the sudden and unexpected intimacy of it. John’s breath, John’s, brushing against him and Sherlock letting it remain so close as if it belonged there, no more alien to his own body than the clothes he wore. Because it was John’s.

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Writing Goals

2019-01-14T17:52:58Z

I finally finished the first draft of Awakenings yesterday, which frees me up to do other things. That was my first foray into writing these characters, so that got me comfortable with the character voices and deciding what dynamics I want to explore. And it's also my third finished long fic in a row. Last year, I completed a 119,000 one and a 56,000 one, both in Star Wars. The longest fic I completed before then was 24,000 way back in 2011. Wow.

Now I'm going to focus on writing meta and finally stop lazy and learn how to write case fic already. How am I supposed to write an adaptation if I don't know how to write case fic? While I get my ideas sorted, I'm going to write ficlets for a bingo card, something else that I've never done before. They will probably be in the same universe as Awakenings so I can jump into writing Established Relationship without having to worry about new backstory.

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And it's done!

2019-01-13T22:14:48Z

I finished the first draft of Awakenings! Just two more chapters to edit and post now. It came up to 41,084 words.

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More Sherlock Thoughts

2019-01-11T18:33:08Z

I'm toying with the idea of writing meta for Sherlock, but I'm a little uncertain. Not that I wouldn't if I wanted to because I'm intimidated (although it is intimidating, because I feel like it's all been written before), but the Sherlock meta I've seen so far is written with this perspective that I've never seen before. It's much more literary. I was not a literature major. My degrees are in history. I'm a fiction writer and did fine in my literature classes, but I would have been miserable as a literature major because I'm not really into symbolism or elaborate metaphors. Seriously, if anyone sees that in my writing, I didn't do that. If the symbolism is super blunt, I'll probably get it, but if it's subtle, it will go right over my head. I'm not looking for that stuff.

The meta I write is about character arcs and motivations, interpreting them exactly as if they were real people. I don't treat them as symbols or mirrors or anything like that. I examine them in a completely straightforward way. Again, history major. I analyze fiction the exact, same way that I examine history. That's the methodology I like. It's why I was drawn to that field and not a different one. It's something I didn't realize until now, but I automatically look at a piece of media the same way that I would a historical document. That's just how my mind views things. Which is why I'm definitely not writing any meta about season 4, because the inconsistencies are so massive that it's clearly a forged document that some hack tried to pass off as the genuine article.

I don't know what I want to write yet, anyway. But I'm not going to be talking about elephants (I swear I've never seen a single elephant on this show, I don't notice this stuff) or metaphors or any of that stuff because it's not my wheelhouse. I wouldn't know what to do with that.

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Random Sherlock Thought

2019-01-11T16:15:11Z

One of my absolute favorite scenes is in THOB when Sherlock shows up drenched in blood carrying a harpoon. All I can think about every time I see it is him in the tube with everyone staring at him with WTF expressions, but not actually saying anything because you don't do that. It makes me laugh every time.

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Chapter 10 of Awakenings is up

2019-01-11T14:56:09Z

Awakenings (32246 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 10/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

Sherlock and John have never needed to question the nature of their friendship, not until John falls asleep on Sherlock's shoulder one night. Sherlock doesn't brush him off. He doesn't want to brush him off. Much the opposite. He would be perfectly content if John were to remain there forever. This realization alters everything.

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Chapter 9 of Awakenings is up

2019-01-07T16:04:29Z

Awakenings (28164 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 9/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

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221B Con

2019-01-06T22:41:48Z

I'm going to 221B Con! I bought my membership and applied for four panels, which might be a ridiculous number. 50 Shades of Ace, Every Disguise Is a Self-Portrait: Healing Through Fic, Creativity and Neurodivergence, and Cuddle Fic and Fluff. We'll see if I get in.

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guanin @ 2019-01-03T09:47:00

2019-01-03T16:06:38Z

I wonder if it will ever stop striking me how different my perspective is from most people's. I've just been reading through an ASIP reaction post and seeing how many people were shipping Johnlock immediately made me remember how surprised I was to see an intense platonic connection between them. I specifically did not ship them. It was so obvious to me that Sherlock isn't into that sort of thing. I went into AO3 looking for friendship fics and was disappointed not to find many. I started reading shippy fics out of desperation. Then I started thinking that I might have been wrong because no one seemed to agree with me.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't join the fandom back then. I was already getting enough "everyone wants romance/sex" messages from the fandoms I was in. Seriously, where were the ace fics hiding that I didn't see them? Then again, maybe if I had joined the fandom, I would have found them. I don't know. I'm still shocked by how old online asexual communities are, because I'd never heard of them until a couple of years ago. It all feels so recent and new.

Anyway, currently, I feel in this weird place in the Johnlock fandom. I don't know if I'm even allowed to use that term in the platonic sense considering what a staple it is in shipping fandoms to complain "how can anyone see these two as platonic?". Right now, I do see bi John as being in love with Sherlock. Sherlock, though... Yeah, my boy is aroace. Sex-repulsed, too. Which I finally had the courage to say in the Johnlock discord I'm in, and no one kicked me out, so yay. I don't know. I'm brand new to this fandom, so I still have little clue about what the dynamics are and the history. It has been a very welcoming place so far, and no one has complained about my aroace headcanon, which is refreshing. Fandom in general is not a safe space for aces (especially sex-repulsed ones), so it's nice to find a corner that is.

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Chapter 7 of Awakenings is up

2018-12-31T21:50:48Z

Awakenings (25642 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 7/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

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guanin @ 2018-12-30T14:30:00

2018-12-30T20:35:49Z

It figures that the day when I'm filled with writing fervor is the day when we're going to a Christmas party. My cousin always has them late since he works during Christmas itself. I did get to write a bit of my Sherlock fic, my SH adaptation, and some meta, too. I've been a little intimidated by the massive amount of meta out there, but I haven't seen this interpretation before, so I'm going for it.

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How niche is too niche?

2018-12-28T15:56:37Z

As I develop my Sherlock Holmes adaptation, I keep wondering about the idea of something being niche in media. I only write queer characters, which is considered a niche. On top of that, I focus on aro, ace, bi, trans, and non-binary characters, which is niche even within queer spaces. Add on neurodivergent and depressed characters. Latinx characters. Sex-repulsed characters.

How may depressed, bisexual Puerto Rican/Mexican characters are there out there? How about autistic grayro ace, sex-repulsed ones? Or Colombian non-binary bi ones? That's what I'm writing right now. I'm taking a traditionally Victorian (hella racist, sexist, queerphobic time, by the way) and Latinizing and queering the hell out of it. It's immensely fun and validating, but I'm also picturing the people for him this would be too different and too "heretical". My gut reaction is "I don't need those readers, anyway". I catered my writing to the majority for years and it made me miserable. Gave me some serious psychological damage, too, which I'm barely beginning to recover from now, four years after realizing I'm ace (I'm talking about writing smut when I really didn't want to, but that's what readers want, right?). I could compromise on my ideas to get more readers, but I would hate myself for it.

One of my favorite comments on any piece of fiction is "uncompromising". I need to keep that in my head. I need to stay focused on the type of characters that I desperately needed to see when I was lost and confused in a world of hetero/cisnormativity and compulsory sexuality. A world where people who speak my language or share my culture are tokenized. A world where being autistic is weird and laughable. I need that.

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Chapter 6 of Awakenings is up

2018-12-26T15:02:35Z

John had gone on two dates since they became partners. The first case occurred nineteen days in, and the second ten days after that. Only in the first instance did Sherlock have to suffer a night alone, the second date proving so thoroughly incompatible that John returned early, thank God. In both cases, Sherlock grabbed his secret cigarette stash and ducked his head out of his bedroom window into cool, night breeze so that his room wouldn’t become impregnated with the scent of smoke, yet the cigarette remained dangling between his lips, unlit. He’d scrapped at the lighter with a jerky thumb, triggering a flame only to put it out in the next instant, and on and on he went, imagining John’s disappointed expression and head shake if he were to catch Sherlock in this position, as well as the questions.

Why now, Sherlock? Is it because you’re alone? Because I’m on a date? You said you were fine with me dating. Are you not anymore? Was it a lie from the beginning, a concession to get me to agree to this partnership?

The first time, Sherlock had yanked the cigarette out of his mouth and thrown it on the floor, slapping on two nicotine patches, instead, before grabbing his violin and fleeing into a vehement rendition of Mozart’s Requiem. He refused to consider the implications of his subconscious choice of music.

Awakenings (23752 words) by Guanin
Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Greg Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock Holmes), Mycroft Holmes
Additional Tags: Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock Holmes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bisexuality, Aromantic Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

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