Fic: Of Men and Pretty Coats (Plaude)

[guanin]

Title: Of Men and Pretty Coats
Rating: G
Pairing: Claude/Peter
Summary: Inspired by the latest Peter pictures following a discussion with visiblemarket. Claude finds Peter's new coat a tad feminine.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own words.






“What are you wearing?” Claude asked, frowning at Peter’s new coat as if were covered in a particularly disgusting mold.

Peter looked down at it, seeing nothing wrong.

“It’s a coat. It’s cold, therefore I’m wearing a coat.”

“But this coat? Did you get confused by all the signs and bright lights and wind up in the women’s section of the shop? Either that or you nicked it from your mother’s closet.”

“I did not,” Peter sputtered, indignant. “It’s not a woman’s coat.”

“Of course it is. Look at it. I see this exact model on women all the time. Nothing masculine about it at all, mate. And look at the way the bottom flounces out. It’s positively skirt-like.”

“It’s not—Would you stop that?”

Peter batted away Claude’s hands, smoothing down his coat flat against his hips to prevent Claude from waving it around again.

“Unless you are coming out of the closet, which is the only healthy thing to do.”

“I’m not in the—“ he stopped as Claude lifted a skeptical eyebrow, grinning as if Peter were the most comical thing in existence. “Shut up. It’s complicated. The point is, this isn’t a woman’s coat. I found it in the men’s section, okay?”

“Was it by itself?”

“What does that matter?”

“Well, someone could have just dropped it there, deciding not to buy it. A female someone, most likely, or perhaps a transsexual, or a gay man, which by the way—“

“I didn’t buy a woman’s coat. Now drop it.”

“Denial and deflection. Classic symptoms of the guilty. Look. See her?” Claude pointed at a woman across the street and Peter’s heart sank as he realized Claude’s point. “Doesn’t her coat look like yours? Granted, different color. Hers is red, yours is grey. But otherwise—“

“Fine. Shut up. It’s just one of those unisex things, that’s all.”

“Bisexual, you mean.”

Peter gritted his teeth, swallowing a growl and hunched further inside his coat, which was not a woman’s model no matter what Claude said.

“Are you going to bug me the whole day or are we going to get to the lesson part?”

“Oh, so you want me to beat you up?”

“If it’ll shut you up.”

||||

The next day, Peter showed up on the roof with his old short jacket. He lifted a foreboding hand as a huge grin took over Claude’s face.

“Don’t say a word.”

Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth in a show of silence, Claude closed in on him, leaned close to his ear, and murmured,

“Girlie.”

Peter jumped him.

Comments

[englishmuffin2.livejournal.com]

Ha. Oh Claude.

Oh, and I own that coat in white. *g* Or at least something that looks exactly like it. Seriously. WTF, wardrobe people?

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

Bwah. I soo want someone in canon to call Peter on his bicurious shoes pants and shirts and coats. Because seriously. I think this (http://img82.imageshack.us/img82/1114/vlcsnap4322769sl6.png) one makes him look even more girlie.

“Was it by itself?”

I don't know why but that made me giggle all the more. Jeez, Peter.

[c-quinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, silly poodle. Just embrace your femininity and play June Cleaver for Claude.

This is very fun.

[lotus0kid.livejournal.com]

Oh Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter.

“Unless you are coming out of the closet, which is the only healthy thing to do.”
“I’m not in the—“ he stopped as Claude lifted a skeptical eyebrow, grinning as if Peter were the most comical thing in existence. “Shut up. It’s complicated.”
LOL, that is hilarious. Just give in, Peter! That last line is pretty great too, when you consider all the ways one person could "jump" another.

[cyberscribbles.livejournal.com]

Did you get confused by all the signs and bright lights and wind up in the women’s section of the shop? Either that or you nicked it from your mother’s closet

Okay, now I have images you young!Peter playing dress-up with mum's clothes...

“Well, someone could have just dropped it there, deciding not to buy it. A female someone, most likely, or perhaps a transsexual, or a gay man, which by the way—“

Love it :D

[tessykins.livejournal.com]

OMG, that's awesome. Peter's such a little girl. Though Claude is the last person to be critiquing anyone's fashion.

[hermione-vader.livejournal.com]

Adorable! That is a woman's coat! Peter should just admit it. Seriously, this show has more subtext than anything in the history of ever.

Claude's coat is badass; therefore, he can mock anyone's annoying coats.