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I am writing Tudor crack. Oh. Dear. God.
I have decided to give Henry VIII a bad day.
“Answer me, damn you. I am your King””
“I beg your pardon, but the phrase should say ‘I was your King’. See, the title ‘King of England, Ireland, and France’ has been sold on the black market, making your claim to it null and void.”
“That is preposterous. I am a direct descendant of Edward the III. God Himself appointed me as King. No man may gainsay me.”
“I beg your pardon again, but is that line not descended through a lady named Catherine Swynford?”
“That’s not relevant,” Henry sputtered.
“And was her marriage to Edward III’s heir John of Gaunt not validated exclusively under the condition that the children from that marriage relinquish all claims to the throne forever and ever until Armageddon is come and we are all drowned in the seas of blood?”
“My father won the Crown with the blessings of the Almighty. It is my right.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree with you again. Your father’s winning,” raising his hands, he bent his index and middle fingers in two quick flicks as he said ‘winning’, “the Crown was in fact an illegal act of war under Act 432, section B, part 13, which would technically make your father a war criminal and you an accomplice by association. Therefore, it should be you in the Tower. However, you will be delighted to know that we have granted you a reprieve since, as I mentioned earlier, the Tower is to be converted into a hotel for wealthy dignitaries and we cannot have you frightening the guests by having your head cut off for our grand reopening in New Year’s 1539.”
There's more. Oh, is there more. I have no idea what I'm doing or if it's good or not, but the long month of confinement with no hope of escape combined with reading about decaptions and schemings and plottings and noblemen getting their clothe ripped off has made my brain a little funny. Good Omens might have something to do with it, too.
Did you know there's a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?
I have decided to give Henry VIII a bad day.
“Answer me, damn you. I am your King””
“I beg your pardon, but the phrase should say ‘I was your King’. See, the title ‘King of England, Ireland, and France’ has been sold on the black market, making your claim to it null and void.”
“That is preposterous. I am a direct descendant of Edward the III. God Himself appointed me as King. No man may gainsay me.”
“I beg your pardon again, but is that line not descended through a lady named Catherine Swynford?”
“That’s not relevant,” Henry sputtered.
“And was her marriage to Edward III’s heir John of Gaunt not validated exclusively under the condition that the children from that marriage relinquish all claims to the throne forever and ever until Armageddon is come and we are all drowned in the seas of blood?”
“My father won the Crown with the blessings of the Almighty. It is my right.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree with you again. Your father’s winning,” raising his hands, he bent his index and middle fingers in two quick flicks as he said ‘winning’, “the Crown was in fact an illegal act of war under Act 432, section B, part 13, which would technically make your father a war criminal and you an accomplice by association. Therefore, it should be you in the Tower. However, you will be delighted to know that we have granted you a reprieve since, as I mentioned earlier, the Tower is to be converted into a hotel for wealthy dignitaries and we cannot have you frightening the guests by having your head cut off for our grand reopening in New Year’s 1539.”
There's more. Oh, is there more. I have no idea what I'm doing or if it's good or not, but the long month of confinement with no hope of escape combined with reading about decaptions and schemings and plottings and noblemen getting their clothe ripped off has made my brain a little funny. Good Omens might have something to do with it, too.
Did you know there's a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?
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Did you know there's a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?
Heard about, bought, and read! If you wanna hear my take on it, go here (http://lotus0kid.livejournal.com/64147.html#cutid1).
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she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and spar with my ninjas, provided she promises to kill no more of them.
That cracked me up so much. I saw the book at Sam's and liked the first chapter, but I've spending so much on books lately that I put if off till later. I might be too tempted the next time, though.
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I did! I'm very excited to read it. :D
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