Yet another way my life sucks

[guanin]

So apparently instead of coming back in June, like I thought, my grandparents are getting back two weeks from now. And I'm using their car. Which means that two weeks from now I'm back to hopping their not leaving the house to be able to get around, which is not acceptable and is one of the reasons why I literally wanted to crawl out of my skin last year. So I need a car. As in buying one. As in no income making me needing to shell out $1000 (I refuse to even consider more than that as I can't afford it) plus whatever ridiculous amount insurance costs, plus maintenance, plus mechanic, plus city sticker, a preposterous practice that doesn't even exist in PR plus a thousand other costs I can't afford because I can't even get an internship and the very notion of working retail makes me hyperventilate even if they were hiring, which they never are in my case. I've never gotten an acknowledgement for an application. No experience? Ha! Never mind that I'm the one organizing the shelves at bookstores because the people who are actually getting paid for that are too busy gossiping while the customers are asking me where to find a book. But I can't point that out if I can't even get an interview. Which I will not wear makeup for. Because makeup makes me look like a clown. thankfully, my dad is going to pay my health insurance (oh yeah, I haven't had any since July), because I can't afford it.

I hate the real world. And I was feeling so much better last night because I went out and I met people I liked and they liked me. I keep thinking that I should consider moving to LA, but I can't do that without prospects first. I really need to write my screenplay but the loneliness creeps up every time I don't have a distraction in front of me.

Meanwhile I've sent like 5 emails to different film festivals to volunteer. The main thing is meeting people and networking. Of course, it would help to meet the people for whom film is their day job and not a side thing and who have connections to the big names or are the big names, for it is my intention to make money from this and I've never liked aiming anywhere other than the top. Or toppish, anyway. It's the only way I can maintain my precarious confidence.

And what the hell is it with every man I meet having a girlfriend? Every one. Are there no single men left in the world?

Comments

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry; I know what a drag it is to go from the relative freedom of having a car and being able to go wherever you want without questioning to...not that. I'd offer to sell you my car (for much less than $1000, because it's frankly kind of a crappy car), but you know, I'm in Maryland...

Anyway. I know it's tough right now, and we all have those days. But things get better, I promise.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

Thanks anyway. I should just resign myself to the fact that cars will forever haunt me. And I really do need a smaller car than my grandfather's to park in the city, for he has one of those huge Cadillac wannabees that you can't fit anywhere. Today I passed up four parking spaces on the street before I found one big enough. It's ridiculous.