I just got this note slipped under my door

[guanin]

"I love you. From you know who"

Except that, no, I don't know who, because while I have two friends on this floor (and building, for that matter), I haven't spent enough time with them for these kind of notes. I'm confused. Maybe it's the world at large trying to cheer me up, cause, god, I need it.

Today was a hell of fighting with three different photocopiers. The first one was schizophrenic and kept changing how it took the copy so that no matter how I arranged the book, it kept cutting off the page. The second one ran out of paper. The third one cut off the page even though I had the book shoved all the way to one side. The fact that I'm floating with this topic and can't find more than four specialized texts doesn't help. I need to look at journal articles, but that's something that I'm saving until I get to PR. I really wish I'd brought Office Space so I could watch them beat the crap out of that printer. So good.

The only good thing that happened today was Heroes, which I liked for the second time this season. Though it's a bit fucked up that the high point of my day is the show that went, "By the way, your mom's dead" and that had me thisclose from crying. Damn, today sucked.

Salsa dancing on Thursday. Salsa dancing on Thursday. My institute's Christmas party is on Thursday and after that a bunch of us are going dancing. I feel better that here, unlike colleges in the States from what I hear, people don't expect you to know how to dance properly just because you're Puerto Rican. And I'll finally be able to dance with the guy who I shouldn't have a crush on because he's the only male friend I have, though he's also the only one who I know is single. People here don't talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend coastally like in PR, which I don't like because it makes it very hard to tell if someone's single. Apparently this guy who I've been sorta crushing on in class is married. I only found out last Friday (I'm pretty sure I heard him say "mi esposa").

Comments

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

"I love you. From you know who"

Well that's...nice? Odd? Creepy? I don't know how I'd read that.

Heh. I used to work in a historic house, and I was mostly in charge of photocopying old documents (which, by the way: do not do. Especially documents older than photocopiers you're using.) But I learned more about the art of photocopying than I ever hope to use again.

Though it's a bit fucked up that the high point of my day is the show that went, "By the way, your mom's dead" and that had me thisclose from crying. Damn, today sucked.

Ohhh, that's not good. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Especially right now, away from home and in the midst of everything else you're dealing with.

I feel better that here, unlike colleges in the States from what I hear, people don't expect you to know how to dance properly just because you're Puerto Rican.

That does rock. As I have no skills related to coordination beyond walking, and that just barely, I avoid that sort of situation like the plague. But I am sure that if I were ever dropped somewhere where dancing was expected, people would assume that as a Mexican, I had some sort of innate sense of rhythm or comfort with my body that I...very much lack.

Apparently this guy who I've been sorta crushing on in class is married. I only found out last Friday (I'm pretty sure I heard him say "mi esposa").

Oh that totally does suck. The only reason I sort of think the guy I have a bit of a crush on at work is single is that when I when I asked him who he was texting, he told me that he had no one to text. Which is right up there with using camera angles on Heroes to prove to myself that Claude was in a room in terms of complete delusion.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. I keep looking at it, going "Huh?"

That's cool. I suck at dealing with machinery. All I do is press the Start button. I actually managed to go the first three years of uni without using a photocopier (don't ask me how). I miss those days.

Thanks. I'm ok now, it's just right then it lingers. Though being in PR wouldn't have helped since my step-mother is there and we DO NOT get along.

All I know is the basic Salsa step. Though maybe I should specify the Puerto Rican Salsa step, since apparently there are many different kinds of Salsa and thus different ways of dancing it, which I'd never of. But always two minutes into it, my feet start rambling about on their own and I lose all coordination. It's bad. And since I know I have this problem, when I dance I get nervous that I'll look like an idiot, so then I get worse.

I seriously need to meet people but I don't know how. Of the few guys I've met, three have girlfriends and the others I don't know. And I know like six guys. And one of them is over fifty. And apprently people here don't tend to talk to people they don't know. Great.

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

It's quite odd. One of those things that in the movies seems all romantic but in real life...not so much.

I'm like that with computers. And just about anything else mechanical. But photocopiers like me.

Oh, that can indeed be a problem. Sometimes being alone really is better.

The basic Salsa step, of any kind, is still leaps and bounds beyond what I can do. So I still congratulate you.

Well, give it time; I know the "don't talk to people you don't know" mindset is frustrating as hell, but eventually, they will know you. It just...all together now...takes time.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering if someone got the rooms mixed up.

I can handle computers as long as I get some practice with the specific program. But anything slightly complicated and I bail.

In PR, it's obligatory to at least be able to dance Salsa even if you look like an idiot since it's essentially the national dance.

I'm trying. But it's frustrating when every assumes you're been in relationships before because "everyone has", which is so not true.

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

I was actually going to say that, but I thought it might be, um, unhelpful.

I'm good with turning it on. And word. And firefox. Anything else I...kind of bumble my way through or give up.

Yay, America, and your lack of a unified culture! And no real national dance!

Heh, that is tricky. For me not so much because people assume that, but because seeing as I have no relationship experience, having spent my high school years being an odd combination of naturally abrasive and terminally shy about romantic issues, I never got that practice of how to ask boys out or how to even be in relationships. So no I feel like I'd be flying blind, which is something I hate to do. I hate going into situations that I have no experience with. Which of course makes it difficult to get experience in them. Catch-22s all around, in this.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

I have no idea how to flirt. At all. Until three years ago, I didn't know how to talk to people I wasn't related to. So I feel like I'm really behind and I've wasted time, but every eligible guy at my old uni had a girlfriend. It's not like the environment helped.

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

Now this is totally a moment of the blind leading the blind here, but I've found flirting to be overrated and lame. I've been flirted with, and for the most part found it to be just that: overrate and lame. And insincere, actually. One of those things, again, that looks nice in the movies but it much less so in life. I've never bothered "learning how"; I think the best approach tends to be to just treat guys you like like you treat your friends. Because (hopefully) at the core, that's who you really are, and anything else, any of the coy stuff is jut...disingenuous. But on the other hand, I'm sure there is some...trick, some thing that you're supposed to learn how to do at some point to signal to the people you like that you like them. Maybe it's having the confidence to be honest about your feelings with people? I honestly don't know. Feelings make me uncomfortable.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

I'm not realy interested in flirting flirting, but more than trick you mentioned. I mean, how do people know? And how do you do it without knowing if someone's single or not? I mean, you can't just ask, "So, do you have a girlfriend?" Like I really wish I could do just so I could know whether to bother to get interested that way or not. Agreed on the feeling, especially aloud. So not good at talking about those, though I do fine on LJ, but that's a different medium.

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

I think it's just a matter of putting yourself out there and getting turned down until you learn, honestly. It's like how gay people tend to be very attuned to a) whether someone else is gay and b) said other gay person is interested in them. If they don't learn, very quickly, how to be attuned to that, there's always the risk of get physically hurt. The worst that can happen if a girl is trying to get with a guy who's not interested in her is embarrassment; I find that somewhat cheering.

As to whether or not you can ask someone if they've got a girlfriend to know whether to let yourself be interested in them? I think you've just got to ask. Or you'll find out soon enough, if you are indeed close enough to be interested beyond just basic, superficial attractiveness. Of course if it's not something you are used to talking about (I hate hearing about other people's relationships, or at least am incredibly bored by them) it gets tricky. I think it's probably likely that there are men out there who are put off by boldness, and by women who come right out and ask if they're dating anyone, but at the least they'd be flattered by it, and if they are that put off by it, they wouldn't be men I should probably be dating. As I am that kind of very abrasive person who doesn't bother putting in the effort to hide it. Of course, this is all well and good in theory. But in practice? Nahh. Not happening.

But seriously. Look around you. Some seriously lame and weird and annoying people find relationships all the time (often with people you wouldn't think they deserve). It can't possibly be that hard.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

I find it interesting how in my uni, there are a lot of British guys with Latina wives/girlfreinds. A few of us (two British guys and one Argentine girl) were talking about cultural differences the other day and it came up. They mentioned that British girls were very standoffish (as Brits tend to be except for the occasional French-style greeting), while Latinas stand closer and touch more often. One mentioned that one of his guy friends first thought that this girl was really interested in him because when he hurt his hand she was rubbing it or something. Apparently, she wasn't at the time, although later on they got together. So maybe I should stop trying to freak out about British standards and act Latina. Yay. Not that I'm not a total social basketcase, anyway.

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

*snort* See, I started reading that and got all excited about my prospects with British guys. Except for the thing that apparently most appeals to them is the one part of Latina culture that I've never actually been in possession of. I hate being physically close to anyone. And touching other people, hate that too. *laughs* Oh well. But good news for you! But yes. Freaking out about British standards does you no good, because chances are, even if you do manage to emulate them, you won't be able to do it forever.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

Oops. Sorry. I didn't like the touching thing when I was little, but got into it when I came back to PR. I just freak out in general in any social situation. Nowhere near as much as I used to, but when I've just met people I get nervous because I never know what to say. My mind's blank. It's a family trait, though, cause my aunt's the same way and my Dad's always really quiet in conversations (not with me, though).

[visiblemarket.livejournal.com]

I don't do well connecting with other people because for the most part I don't care that much about them. Heh. Oh that makes me sound wonderful. I mean, I don't do well being really conversational with people in social situations because...well, why, really? I have a hard enough time keeping track of the friends I technically have to make new ones.

[guanin.livejournal.com]

You know, that last bit sounds like me last semester. I wasn't really interested in socializing with new people for the same reason. But now since I'm starting from scratch, I gotta.