I don't know what I'm doing

[guanin]

Why, despite a week of reading up on Mexican politics, do I feel as if I know nothing? I have random ideas shooting off in my head, but the details have faded away, dates and elections all confused and I don't know which way's up. I miss writing about the Mexican Revolution. I can't believe I just wrote that. But it's easier than this! *grumble* stupid politics and it's tiny details and it's numbers*grumble* And why did does the professor have to specialize on Mexico? The man probably knows every last little corner about the subject I'm doing! Ah!

This is going to suck. Screw it. I just want to pass. That's it. Never mind that I just spent an hour writing one hundred words. *head desk* I could have written 1,000 words of fic in that time.

I actually keep looking at the clock, asking myself if I can go to bed now just to avoid this thing. No, honey, you cannot go to bed at 8:15. I haven't even been up 12 hours yet!

Comments

[guanin.livejournal.com]

Uh, well, I do tend to get lazy sometimes, but this last summer I got started on a new project and I was averaging 2,000-3,000 words a day. I actually got tired of writing sometimes. It was amazing. So...yeah. I don't have a choice, really. My body makes sure to give me some nice lightheaded headaches (it's actually worse than it sounds) that make it impossible to enjoy anything if I don't write a certain amount of words every day. Plus, if it drags on I feel empty and useless. So it's in my best interest to not get stuck in a situation where I don't have time to write. I wouldn't be able to function. Of course, I also have to fill my time doing other things, like fandom and learning about history and science (I miss science) and odds and ends. But I miss being around creative people. The intellectual discussions I sometimes get into with people at my uni are great, but it only feeds one part of my mind. That's my curse. I'm interested in so many things at once and I can't pay proper attention to them all.

That "history repeats itself" thing. General patterns do arise, true. Besides, humans will never learn, so of course they keep repeating the same mistakes over an over. Not that all patterns are mistakes, but those are the ones that tend to stand out.